This blog is all about showing up and being a good friend to others, but when was the last time you were a good friend to yourself?

For many of us, it’s easier to pour into our best friends because we love seeing them be successful, happy, and whole.

We can easily see why our friends deserve the best of the best, but for some reason, we struggle with doing the same for ourselves.

We put ourselves last on the list of people who deserve effort, compassion, and attention, and always give ourselves the “leftovers.”

Leftover love.

Leftover care.

Leftover kindness.

Leftover consideration.

But one thing I’ve learned is that you can’t be good to others if you aren’t first good to yourself.

This blog post will teach you 8 ways to treat yourself like somebody you love, and how to be the friend you deserve to have.

8 Ways To Be A Good Friend To Yourself

1| Listen To Your Body

In a busy world, and especially in the American culture, there is such an emphasis on always doing something or going somewhere, and that takes a real toll on our physical well-being.

We crash out from being overwhelmed, then push through the crash-out in the name of productivity, when really it’s a sign that we need to slow down, rest, or stop altogether.

Our fear of being lazy, or being perceived as lazy, has caused us to work ourselves to exhaustion and raises our stress levels.

I know from experience that this kind of stress can take a toll on our bodies and cause us to break down.

The irritability alone will have you treating people unfairly, and you could potentially cause unnecessary damage to your relationships/friendships.

So, if you need a break…take a break.

If you need some alone time…put your phone on DND.

If you need to binge-watch your favorite show or escape into a book to find some respite…do it!

Do whatever you need to do to take care of your physical and mental well-being.

2| Stop Punishing Yourself

POV: You didn’t meet your goals this week—whether personal or professional—and now it’s the weekend, and you don’t feel like you’ve “earned” the right to treat yourself.

Maybe you worked a lot this week but didn’t get everything done on the to-do list.

Maybe life hit you with some curveballs that knocked you off your feet.

Maybe you simply didn’t have the energy or weren’t in the right headspace to complete everything.

Whatever the reason, something didn’t get done, and you punish yourself.

You feel guilty for even considering the thought of leisure or relaxation, and instead, plan to spend your “free” time catching up to meet those goals.

But don’t you know that you did the best you could within your capacity then?

Here’s what you need to know:

You’re not lazy, you’re human.

You’re not a machine, you’re human.

You’re not a failure, you’re human.

Stop beating yourself up!

Take a break. Do something that you enjoy. Spend time with loved ones. Doing so will help you feel refreshed and give you a new perspective on tackling your next week.

You will accomplish your heart’s desires, and you don’t have to run yourself ragged to do so.

3| Advocate For Yourself

By (the simplest) definition, to advocate means “to support someone or something.”

But why do we struggle to do this for ourselves?

Here are a few reasons:

We’re scared. The fear of communicating our needs and being met with adversity, rejection, disapproval, or dismissal keeps us from speaking up.
We feel undeserving. There’s some guilt, shame, or false image we have of ourselves that makes us feel unworthy and prevents us from believing we deserve to be happy and healthy.
We’re anxious about the outcome. Advocating for ourselves requires us to be ready for what’s to come if we get a “yes.” We’re afraid we will fumble the blessing if we get it, so we’d rather not even try.

But in any of these circumstances, there is an underlying doubt that does not belong there.

Nobody knows your capabilities, strengths, and skill sets more than you do.

Even if the results don’t come out the way you hoped for, you’ve allowed yourself to have a new experience you can learn from.

Plus, you are practicing a great skill and showing up for yourself.

You deserve to have all that God has in store for you, so go out and get it!

4| Reset Your Goals

At the beginning of the year, we're often full of optimism and we shoot for the stars (and I am not knocking that, I want us to dream big!).

But if we’re honest, some of those goals are influenced by popular resolutions that might not truly align with our needs.

As the year progresses, we gain a better understanding of our current circumstances and what’s truly important to us.

With that being said, there’s no wrong time to adjust our goals and identify realistic steps to achieve them.

For example:

If your goal was to drink a gallon of water a day, but you realize a half-gallon is more realistic, change it!
If your goal was to go to the gym 5 times a week, but 3 times a week is more doable, change it!
If your goal was to save $400 a month, but $300 is more reasonable, change it!

As long as your goals are still challenging you, helping you improve your life, and transforming you into the best version of yourself, then you’re on a great path.

5| Declutter Your Life

I am a big Marie Kondo fan, who is famously known for her professional organizing skills and tidying-up abilities.

But she also teaches people that they can bring joy into their lives by letting go of things that no longer serve them and keeping that which matters most.

So, let’s use her methods and apply a little Feng Shui to our lives, and remove the clutter that attracts negative energy.

Here are 10 practical things you can do to declutter your life:

Delete duplicate pictures in your phone’s camera roll and pictures that you don’t really like.
Clean out your email inbox.
Free up your phone’s storage by deleting memes, GIFs, and photos that are taking up space in your text message thread.
Go through your closet, try on your clothes/shoes, and donate whatever doesn’t fit or that you no longer wear (stop saving things for a moment that is unlikely to come!).
Throw away expired food in your fridge, freezer, and pantry.
Unfollow people on social media that you don’t talk to and pages that don’t uplift you.
Delete phone contacts of people you no longer speak to.
Throw away any expired hair and beauty products and donate the stuff you never use.
Clean out that junk drawer!
Evaluate your relationships, be honest, sit in silence, and let go of people who don’t bring joy into your life.

6| Be Gracious To Yourself

We’ve all heard some version of the saying “Talk to yourself like someone you love,” and we read it over, and we’re like, yeah, yeah, I know. Then proceed to do the opposite.

Maybe you’re not verbally saying “I’m a dumb person,” but you’re making little sly comments and jokes that give that exact sentiment.

If a friend of yours told you about a mistake they made, you’d be quick to find something positive to pull from it and point out the lessons your friend can learn from the experience.

But not for yourself, nope.

Instead, you pile on these negative thoughts and spew out words that lack compassion for your shortcomings.

Why do you have grace for everyone but yourself?

The expectations that you have for yourself are draining the joy out of your days and wreaking havoc on your confidence.

It gets to a point where even when you do have what you consider a “win,” you don’t even celebrate it because you can’t let go of all the times you felt like you “lost.”

It’s heartbreaking really, criticizing ourselves as badly as we do when God calls us a masterpiece just as we are.

That’s not to say that we don’t need to grow, evolve, and learn from our mistakes, but instead, to say that we don’t have to be so hard on ourselves when we do fall short.

7| Enjoy Solo Dates

Solo dates have become incredibly popular over the past few years because, for a long time, most people wouldn’t do anything fun unless they had a companion to do it with.

But spending quality time with yourself without feeling obligated to entertain or engage with someone else allows you to get to know you better!

Here are some ideas for solo dates:

Paint: tote bags, pumpkins (seasonal activity), canvases, pottery, and wooden items
Participate in a free online Yoga
Create a themed playlist and listen to it on a walk
Do a puzzle (crossword, word search, Sudoku anyone?)
Create a Pinterest board all about you
Read a book at a local cafe
Color (Adult coloring books are so popular now!)
Teach yourself something new (YouTube University)
Play dress up and take pictures! Try a new hairstyle /makeup look/outfit
Organize your photos on your phone and make special albums (like a digital scrapbook)

8| Believe In Yourself

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”

-Dr. Seuss

I love this quote from Dr. Seuss because it’s a reminder that the future we desire is our responsibility to believe in and pursue.

If you have something in your heart that you’d love to do, but maybe you’re afraid of failure, embarrassment, or being judged, I hope this message finds you: do it anyway.

You are capable of so much more than you probably give yourself credit for, and just like you would support a friend’s dreams, you need to support your own.

Be your own biggest cheerleader.

Allow yourself to try, and fail, and try, and fail, and try, and succeed, and rinse and repeat until you experience the fulfillment of doing the thing God placed in your heart.

Believe in your ability to do it. Because you can.

And for my believers, a reminder that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.