FROM SIBLINGS TO FRIENDS: HOW TO CREATE A REAL FRIENDSHIP WITH YOUR SISTER
This month, we celebrated National Sisters Day, and I’ll share something personal: I LOVE my siblings.
I love them so much that it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about them at times.
I have two sisters. One older and one younger, and lately I found myself reflecting on our relationships, especially as the little one is now in college.
As she’s ventured into adulthood, we’ve been navigating a shift in our relationship and figuring out what friendship looks like for us.
My older sister and I were always sisterly, but it wasn’t until I became an adult that we unlocked a new level in our relationship, and she truly became one of my best friends.
The foundation of being siblings made this an easier transition, but we still had to be intentional about forming a solid friendship.
This blog post provides a reality check and practical tips on what it takes to become friends with your sister.
FWI Disclaimer: I know there is no picture-perfect family. Not all siblings grew up in the same household; there may be significant age differences between them, and some might share different parents. As someone who can speak to all of this from personal experience, please note that this blog post considers the topic with sensitivity and care.
FWI Care Note: I know that some sibling relationships can be a bit rocky. But if you’re interested in mending it, and one day having a real friendship, know that I’m rooting for you, praying for you, and hoping that with effort, healthy communication, and support, you all can find your way into a beautiful relationship.
5 Reasons Why Sisters Make Great Friends
Before we get into the tips on how to become friends, let’s first discuss why sisters make such great friends in the first place.
1| She knows and understands your foundation
Having a similar background to your sister allows you all to understand one another better.
Your parents likely shared the same culture, morals, and values with all of their children. Because of that, your sister will have better insight into your decision-making and the inner workings of your mind.
That will come in handy when you find yourself navigating life outside of your parents’ home, and you get to have this built-in bestie who can be your co-pilot.
2| She knows the real you
Growing up, we tend to spend more time with our siblings than with our friends due to proximity. Especially if you grew up in the same house together, which means your sister has seen the good, the bad, and the OMG.
And while that may seem off-putting to some, there is something so freeing about having people in your life who know you without the mask.
Your sister is familiar with your flaws, weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and insecurities, and she loves you all the same.
It makes it easy to talk to her about your feelings because you’re not hiding behind a façade, and she can support you in a way that you genuinely need.
3| She is invested in your well-being
I have no doubt that you have friends who care about you deeply, but your sister loves you like she loves herself, and honestly, sometimes even more.
When she gives you advice, it’s with the mindset of having your best interest at heart. She is invested in you being the best version of yourself and in your happiness.
She willingly and lovingly invests her time, resources, gifts, talents, energy, and efforts into you because she cares deeply.
4| She is loyal
Many of us had parents who taught us the importance of having each other’s backs. It was our responsibility to look after one another. So the loyalty aspect that’s desired in friendships often comes naturally with sisters.
Your sister is ten toes down, loyal to the soil about you, and not a soul can play with you or your name when she is around, and even when you’re not.
It's not an unhealthy allegiance to you that allows for enabling bad behavior, but an unwavering support and protection that will call out anyone or anything that tries to cause you harm.
5| She’s not afraid to keep it real
Because your sister is so loyal to you and committed to your growth, she won’t even allow YOU to get in your own way.
She will not be your “yes” friend.
If you come to her with a problem, she is going to have a solution that you may not like to hear, but that will be for your good. She isn’t going to encourage you to act a fool, be ignorant, or do things that will bring unnecessary turmoil to your life.
Your sister is willing to address hard truths because she loves you and wants to see you thrive.
How To Create A Real Friendship With Your Sister
1| Learn the new version of her
You grew up with one sister, but who she is today is not the same, and how she navigates life may be totally different.
What is your sister interested in now? How does she like to start her day? How does she respond when faced with life’s challenges? What helps her through a bad day? How does she like to celebrate an accomplishment?
Don’t assume you know everything, because you don’t.
Like you, she has been shaped by her life experiences, exposed to new things, affected by other people, and has gained more knowledge.
Get inquisitive about the woman she is today.
2| Respect her boundaries
Let’s be real for a moment. Sometimes with family, boundaries get blurred. But if you want a real friendship with your sister, you’re going to need to showcase a new level of respect for her.
Her business is hers. Not your other siblings, cousins, and certainly not your parents. If she chooses to confide in you about private matters, you need to be a vault.
A caveat here is that if something is harmful to their well-being, but if it’s not, zip your lips.
Lose the entitlement. You wouldn’t assume your friends have to share every detail of their lives, intrude on their personal space, or expect them to be present for every single thing in your life, so keep that same energy with your sister.
It’s likely you all will give each other more access than you do your friends anyway, but don’t assume; ask. Have the conversations about expectations and comfort levels.
3| Treat her like an individual, not just your sister
Every conversation doesn’t have to revolve around your family, your history, or whatever else connects you as sisters.
You’re looking to be friends, find ways to connect as you would with a friend.
That also means that sometimes you can’t always be in “sister” mode.
Whether you’re the big or little sister, you can’t always be ready to fix her problems, shield her from the harsh realities of life, or save the day. And it can’t always be expected.
Should you be there for your sister? Absolutely!
But with sisters, there is a natural reflex to protect one another that can make it feel more like a parent/child relationship rather than a friendship, and that’s the wrong direction!
4| Respect each other’s experiences with family
Your experience with mom is not her experience with mom.
Your experience with dad is not her experience with dad.
Your experience with another sibling is not her experience with that sibling.
You get the idea!
There needs to be respect and consideration for the different relationship dynamics each of you shares with your family members.
Be mindful of that, and don’t let it impede the friendship you’re building with your sister.
For example, if your sister feels like your brother always picks on her, but you and your brother are very close, don’t dismiss her feelings because he’s not like that to you.
If anything, this could be an opportunity to help them hash out issues since you’re close to both of them (if that’s something they’re interested in, again, just ask!).
5| Embrace each other’s differences
You have the same parents, you have similar upbringings, you were raised with the same values, but you’re not the same people.
Both of you have unique ideas, perspectives, and characteristics that make you the women you are today.
Not only should you learn these new versions of one another (Tip #1), but you need to embrace them.
This is especially common among siblings with a large age gap. Older siblings were likely raised differently from younger ones, which can lead to unrealistic expectations of how each of you should think or act, instead of appreciating each other's differences.
It’s actually pretty cool to see how each sister blooms as a different flower from the same garden.
6| Spend time together
Only spending time at your parents’ house for holidays or the family reunion is not enough!
Do fun stuff together and create new memories. Explore, experience, and have new adventures.
If you live far away from each other, you can plan virtual hangouts. And if you live closer, block off time on your calendars to have sister/friend dates in person.
It’s a privilege to experience life in new ways with someone who has been there from the very beginning.
7| Be an intentional friend
Just because you’re sisters, it doesn’t automatically make you friends. Like any friendship, you must show up and invest in the relationship.
Reciprocate efforts: the friendship cannot be one-sided. Plan hangouts, call first, and be a friend in her love language.
Be invested in her happiness: Care about what your sister cares about. You don’t have to like it yourself, but make an effort to learn about some of her interests. Doing so will allow you to learn more about her and unlock a deeper connection.
Be supportive: Show up! If she’s sick, make her some soup. She won an award? Send a congratulatory gift. She’s going through a heartbreak? Sit with her as she processes her big feelings. Be the friend you would like to have.
When you’re intentional about forming a genuine friendship with your sister, it’s a beautiful thing!
Are you friends with your sister? What are some things you all have done to build a real friendship? I’d love to hear your ideas in the comment section below!
